hopefully..
I’ve read past emails and letters from
this particular old "friend". It contained our arguments throughout
our entire "friendship." And the entire time I was reading these
letters/emails; I couldn’t help but say, "man, we had a lot to fight
about." As I was going through it, i saw how stupid, how pathetic and how
ridiculous my letters to this friend were. My tone was easy and calm when I was
supposed to be furious. I even tried to say sorry for pouring out all my hurt
feelings after everything that friend has done to me! I sounded like a sick
slave asking for forgiveness from his master just because he had too much of
the food eaten or over slept a little after working his ass off all day! It was
pathetic! But then, I tried to rationalize it, apparently this was what I was
feeling when I wrote that letter.. I wanted that friendship to work. I wanted
to fix whatever was wrong. I thought we both had made our own mistakes that led
us to this. But truth is, it was just my way of covering up the real dirt.
And now, I have another friend who is in the same position
as I was a year ago. She does not seek my advice or opinion. As much as I want
to butt in, that is not my place. I just do hope that she figures sooner than I
did what the real deal was and save her time from covering up and rationalizing
the mistakes her partner has made. She has been doing that way too long. I have
done that way too long. And may I say that it has not done me any good.
